I haven't finished it yet, but this is my kinda story. The plot twists are interesting, but your character development is keeping me going. Looking forward to the next one.

I mostly liked the book, but would like to speak freely about what I thought of the writing style/composition of this book. I hope what I say will be received as constructive criticism.

1. I thought this book read as though it were at one time three stories and then was pasted together. At the point of what I viewed as the transitions between parts, I thought the flow became stilted, as though some things were being re-introduced as though the reader may not have read the previous part.

2. There was some repetition. There were one or two phrases that were used two or three times.

3. There are a lot of editing errors in it (maybe 30?), in reference to missing letters or words, and a few places where there are two synonyms side-by-side as though there was some thinking going on and someone neglected to choose the word to keep/remove.

4. I thought there were too many twists. The twists were good ones, but after a while the reader becomes punch-drunk and gives up trying to interact or relate with the store and is just along for the ride.

5. It seemed to me that it had become evident that VITO was interacting with the subject and was generating plans of action and sometines controlling the subject. But that wasn't consistent because a) VITO could have obviously controlled the subject during critical periods and didn't if it was important for plot flow, and b) this aspect was dropped after a while and not picked up again (at least not clearly)

6. The ending was pretty good, but was a bit mechanical, and the re-introduction of the Rose at the end was dry and somewhat contrived. It would have taken two minutes for the explanation, but that was evidently set aside for the sequal???

7. There was a bit of polish lacking...some characters were developed a bit too much and then dropped, some were not developed at all. Hallers murder of everyone in site was very strange and there was no outrage, etc. I felt there was quite a bit of disjointedness. (Lack of flow?)

8. Overall, I thought this was worth reading and with some careful work could be turned into a pretty decent read. A chunk from say 50% through to 65 or 70% though should go...made it seem long and slowed the story down a bit.

Anyway, I'm obviously not suffering from a shortage of opinion. I liked the story and I think it is worth polishing.

- Bill

I read quite a bit of online fiction. Normally I don't remember much of it past a day or two. But over a month later I'm still recalling the various plot twists of this story and wanting more.

Please consider selling your future novels online in eBook format. I would never consider buying a $16 paperback from any author, but I would definitely consider purchasing a reasonably priced eBook from you.

And thank you for the good read.

I will admit that the plot had more twists and turns than a country road but that made it an even more interesting journey.

As the purpose of allowing readers the free download is to solicit comments and criticism's I would be happy to give you mine (keeping in mind I found the book a great read). However as it would involve revealing some of the plotline by necessity and spoil the mystery for other readers feel free to contact me at alyndskies@yahoo.com and I will go over my comments in detail.

Dawn

Good solid read, with plenty of twists and turns. Thanks, Mr. Higgins, for making this a free download. When you bring back Tom Cotter and Trevor Parker, which I hope you do, I'll gladly pay for the priviledge of joining them in another wild ride.

Spence Mortenson